Written by Oleg the Tumor
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Wednesday, 13 June 2012

image for Amish Pirates Seize Freighter "Bilderburger" off Portugal.
beards

From Independent News Agencies in Lisbon and a Portuguese cabdriver named Mac-The German freighter. "Bilderburger" was commandeered by "Yoder (the Boater) Geronimo and his gang of naval carpenters who quickly raised a barn around the ship and trapped it dead in the water between the second and the third watch. One German crewman was listed in "good condition" after eating four pies during the meal served to the crew. Capt. Burgher however, was relieved of his beard, and his command. After being shaved as clean as a babies ass, he was put out in a boat to wait for the limo.

Not a shot was fired during the bold takeover. Once they set out the food - it was all over but the cigars and the farting. Yoder brought his heavy guns to bear for the occasion: 3 dozen roast geese, 500 pounds of mashed potatoes, 250 pounds of stuffing, a 55 gallon drum of gravy, 150 pounds of butter, 25 bushels of fresh corn on the cob, a dozen roasts of beef, four roast pigs - complete with apples, 300 pounds of sauerbraten, 200 pounds of sauerkraut, 60 loaves of cornbread, 200 pounds of assorted trimmings, including cashew nuts, cranberries, oranges and pears. Also photographed on deck was a 10,000 gallon BeerMeister and enough fresh pies to kill everybody on board three times over. Each member of the crew was given an ancestorsRus.com account. Within a few short hours it was discovered that 28% of the combined crew were related in some way.

The prize in the hold? A new category of booty : "Blood Art", or in this case Greek statuary taken in lieu of sovereign debt , to be given away free over German State Radio later this summer to promote the opening of Richard Wagner's "Das Clousterfokken" at the Bayreuth Festspielhaus.

Not anymore.

No one can say where this thirsty gang will strike next.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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