Written by IainB
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Friday, 13 April 2012

image for New Zealand to be renamed New Zooland
There are only five wild Tennessee Brown Bears left - the rest are all quite amenable.

The double island nation of New Zealand is taking the bold step of making both islands national parks and taking the world's species to roam free in one giant zoo.

"New Zealand has a vast range of habitats," said tourism minister, Hacker McClacker. "We can accommodate the natural habitats of everything from penguins and polar bears to lions and giraffes. There is no better place on Earth to accomplish such a repository of the world's animals."

The inhabitants of New Zealand will be relocated to Australia, except for some Maori who have agreed to follow a traditional way of life.

"In general," said McClacker, "most people are happy about moving to Australia, as there's not much to do in New Zealand. Only those Maori that have agreed to give up rugby will be allowed to stay."

The project will be funded by tourism, with safari hotels to be built in enclaves across the islands. Anybody who doesn't want to move to Australia will be offered a job in one of the hotels. Should there be insufficient take up of people wanting to stay, then the hotels will do what hotels across the world have always done in this situation, and employ Australians.

"It's a mammoth project," said McClacker. "We feel it is one ultimately worth doing though."

Safari trips will allow visitors to see some of the world's most endangered animals in a natural habitat. As the bulk of the world's species are endangered, critically endangered or down to just one sexually frustrated male, this will encompass a wide variety of creatures.

"We tossed around a few names for the new island," said McClacker, who will be in charge of the islands once they become sanctuaries. "Arkland sounded quite good. It's quite close to Aukland. However, in the end we settled on New Zooland. It's how most people pronounce the islands' name anyway."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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