AREA 51A, LOMA LINDA, CA-SpoofNews has exclusively uncovered a secret so sinister, so diabolical, so horrifying, so unbelievable, yet in the final analysis so typical that it leaves the most naïve and uninformed, the utmost politically savvy and even the average sci-fi buff to pause and say "Hmmmmmm." This discovery removes all doubt and exposes a conspiracy that has been decades in the making. The gravity and magnitude of this revelation will shake the American fabric to the very fiber of our existence. Thanks to the undaunted perseverance of SpoofNews collaborating journalists across the country and around the world, the mystery is a mystery no more.
Those radical, extremist, liberal government leaders responsible for the evolving, escalating state of upheaval in the world are herewith exposed: they are an initial invading alien strike force from planets far beyond the limits of our solar system who have come here, taken human (or at least their pitifully lame interpretation of it) form for the sole, express purpose of destroying humankind, all because of an intergalactic barroom bet. How else could the entire human race have fallen victim to frailties that, until the early 90s, had been kept in check??
How have these nefarious nemeses avoided detection for so long? It's rather obvious, when you think about it. It didn't take much to deflect attention from their antihuman agenda. In fact, it took absolutely no effort on their part. Since the interstellar invasion began, small-minded bigmouths in Hollywood have provided more than enough cover for the otherworldly obsession. Think about it. How else could the likes of Michael Moore and the endless list of once respected erstwhile entertainers who abandoned their tried and true thespian trade to bloviate their brainlessness and alienate their fans and the public at large??
The obvious intellectual superiority of this pioneering platoon of putrefaction is not only beyond human comprehension; it's just plain crazy. According to detailed information gleaned from one of the alien's logbooks, confiscated from a suspicious "vehicle" hauled out of the Chappaquiddick River in Massachusetts in mid-1969, the aliens began their phased infiltration into the human realm in that fateful year, and then methodically inserted themselves individually, at strategic sites around the world ever since then. They snidely selected niches that would wreak the most havoc and touch on the very vestiges of what being human is all about. Selectively yet arbitrarily, these evildoers have waged an unfortunately successful campaign to ravage religion, mangle morality, demonize democracy, eviscerate equal rights, wallop world peace and just plain piss off practical people.
But don't despair. There's a litmus test that will cause such earthly eroders to take their original foul forms: honesty, integrity, facts and truth, either in combination, individually or in salvo will render them helpless and harmless. So, citizens of the Earth, unite!! We have only ourselves to save!! Now, more than ever, the TRUTH shall set (and keep) you FREE!!