Written by UWGB-Beek
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Topics: Pope

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Vatican--Pope John Paul II is still waiting for the second miracle to propel him to sainthood, and he is getting nervous that good Roman Catholics might have forgotten him.

"It is real easy for a dead man to be forgotten, but I thought I lived an okay life. I said sorry a lot, and a lot of people gave me money, so I must have done something right." Pope John Paul II said through a Vatican spokesman.

Pope John Paul II did a lot for the Roman Catholic Church during his tenure: he helped cover-up a priest abuse scandal until the last possible minute, he discovered loopholes that protected the Church's wealth, he put right-wing nuts in charge of Church doctrine, and he showed his faith in God by driving around in a bullet proof car.

"I think Pope John Paul II was a great man, and I am sure the Church will find another nun to fake a major illness, I mean find a faithful member that the dead pope healed. Just remember that God doesn't heal--Pope John Paul II does, so remember that fact when you pray tonight." Archbishop Timothy Dolan said.

The Vatican announced that they planned to unveil a new website that highlights the life of Pope John Paul II. Their hope is the website will remind people that it is important to pray to the dead guy.

The Pope John Paul II website will show the pope at his best, and will features photographs of the pope meeting in secret with such important religious figures as Ronald Reagan, William Casey, and Mel Gibson.

Vatican official also said that there will be a new twitter account where people can make prayer request to the dead pontiff. They say the account will help other faithful followers remember that it is very important that Pope John Paul II get his second miracle if they want to see John Paul II on their holy cards.

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