Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Texas, Rumsfeld

Friday, 20 January 2006

image for Bin Laden tape traced to Houston's Bust-uh-Rap Recording Studio
"Now that you mention it, that dude with the turban DID kinda resemble .. WHO's that tall dude all over the news?"

"Lord if he's in HOUSTON'" Rumsfeld raged, "We''ll never find him!". Tito Lee, owner of Bust-uh-Rap recording studio in Houston Texas told CIA agents that yes a rather tall "dude" with a beard and a turban DID come in a while back and "lay down some tracks". Lee told the agents, "He didn't actually RAP nothin spectacular. He just sorta started .. talkin. I figured that maybe this was some kinda NEW kinda 5th Ward kinda rap he was rappin, him talk'n bout death and destruction and killin and bust'n CAPS and all."

Houston Texas. An infinite labyrinth of tunnels, mazes, Starbucks, bayous, rat holes, mansions, ghettos, mega-malls, mini-malls, mega-mini-malls, crack houses, sub-divisions, pawn shops, refineries and neighborhood hood hoods is, according to the Guinness Book of World Records THE ultimate hiding place for any life-form seeking to disappear completely without a single trace from the face of planet Earth.

One local reporter noted that there are over 1 million secret places in the Astro Dome alone where someone could lay low for a couple of years adding,

"Al Capone if he was still alive could be holed up in a Foot Locker basement over at Willowbrook Mall and we'd never know he was here."

Houston's Police Commissioner echoed the reporters thoughts saying,

"Bin Laden might as well be on the third moon of Saturn. We'd have a better chance of catching him there."

Most Houston residents agree ..

"Once a criminal commits a crime and flees in this town, the police don't even look for them anymore, they just chalk it up as an escaped felon presumed lost and move on to the next crime."

No one knows how Bin Laden could have ever even gotten into Texas let alone Houston. "Our borders are sealed tighter than a drum" Texas Governor Rick Perry said,

"Except for some parts around Laredo, Corpus, McAllen, Del Rio, Mission, Gonzales, Panna Maria and that 1100 mile stretch from Brownsville to El Paso."

U.S. officials are theorizing that somehow Bin Laden got his tape all the way from Houston Texas to Al Jazeera in Qatar via U.S. Parcel post although they can't rule out FedEx "Priority Overnight®" air shipping.

Bust-uh-Rap's owner Tito Lee told CIA agents to chill. Lee promised the CIA agents that if a tall dude with a beard comes in again to "lay down some tracks", he, Lee would shoot the CIA agents an IM the moment the tall dude with the turban's tracks were laid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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