Written by jd Balderdash
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Saturday, 14 January 2006

image for Sony sends 180 Million Aibos to search for Osama Bin Laden

With the current reward for Bin Laden's head and/or fluffy white turban exceeding 500 MILLION DOLLARS Sony Corporation parachuted 180 million willing Aibo robot dogs over portions of southern Afghanistan as part of an elaborate high tech "beta test" to determine if their popular artificially intelligent robot dog could in fact locate Bin Laden and bring President Bush's "War on terror" to an end.

"A 500 million dollar reward is a chunk of change" said one Sony representative. Speaking anonymously with reporters he said,

"We don't clear that much in a day even so Sony's going out on a limb, beta testing a few million robot dogs in hopes that they can eventually locate Bin Laden and drag him to justice. Along of course with half a billion dollars."

Stats on Sony's wildly successful artificially intelligent robot dog read like those for a droid out of a 23rd century Lucas film ..

Sporting multiple infra-red K-band spectral sensors, 3 high definition CMOS digital cameras that can see in total darkness, 300 k-wave amplified holographic sonic transponders, 12 quantum heat sensors, Doppler radar 3, GPS positioning diodes, satellite communication transmitters, etc, etc, Sony's Aibo could indeed locate Jimmy Hoffa if Hoffa happened to be in the vicinity.

Bin Laden, last officially confirmed to be alive 2 years ago is assumed to be somewhere on planet earth, this solar system at least, most likely around Afghanistan or Pakistan or Iran or Iraq or Turkey or Omaha or .. where EVER Bin Laden might be Sony is hoping that one of their Aibos can find him .. collect the reward.

One Aibo owner said,

"Our dog Shawn is the most incredible thing .. only .. he can only move at about 0.01 miles per hour. He's slow. Even if an Aibo SAW Bin Laden I doubt if Bin Laden would let an Aibo catch him."

Sony is banking that IF one of their Aibo's should spot Osama Bin Laden that the Aibo would instantly log Bin Laden's EXACT GPS coordinates, photograph the surrounding terrain, radio that information up to an orbiting military satellite where that data would then be routed to U.S. Marines in the area who would themselves capture the master terrorist and bring him back to President Bush's ranch for, as the President puts it, "some serious questioning by me and Laura".

"We know it's a long shot but it's worth a try" Sony's CEO told reporters adding,

"Especially if there's a half billion dollar reward in the picture. Sony's coming for you Osama Bin."

No actual Aibo's were available for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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