Barry Obama, faced with the reality of an economic catastrophe which could cause him to be a one term President, initiated a crisis management call to former UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown seeking liquidity and re election advice.
(Ed. Note: you're now behind in the count 0-2 Barry!)
Brown, known within the British Parliament as "Goldfinger' for his acute management of the treasury when he was in charge there, is credited with selling off half the realm's bullion, almost 400 tons, in a 'going out of business fire sale' in 1999.
Not only did Brown announce the sale before hand, alerting traders that he was getting ready to "dump", and driving the price down, he ignored universal advice against doing such a deed at all.
Thanks to his pig headedness, the gold went out the door at $256 an ounce.
The price of gold today, in an atmosphere of financial panic, hit its high of $1721.21 per ounce meaning Gordon Goldfinger left about $16B (billion) on the table at a time when Britain can't staff its naval ships, afford any planes, or the pilots to put in them.
"Sounds like just the man I need to talk to," said Obama after listening to Congressman Barney Frank who blamed the cost of keeping up the military for the current crisis.
"Don't need no mo bombs, planes, ships, subs or chief of staffs 'round here...everybody loves me for me....read my lips "NO MO WAR...they'll be PEACE IN MY MIND!"
Meanwhile there are doubts that the US has any gold left at all in Ft. Knox. Reportedly the heavily guarded fortress houses 147Million troy ounces, but it has not been independently audited since the Eisenhower administration!
"There may be nothing left, ' said one conservative. "That gold could have walked out of there and been sold on the world market to boost the value of the dollar, and the taxpayers in this country would never know a thing about it...how's that for 'open government and change you can believe in!"
Mike Tyson, former heavyweight champion, and troubled sports figure, said he felt bad for Obama and his economic troubles.
"If it hep the man, I be giving 'em all my teef...and I be axin' the brothers to be chippin' in
too...can't have the Boss of the United States walking around in pants showing his arse!"