Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 20 July 2011

image for Canada Fears Cap & Trade Law Won't Work for a Nation That Doesn't Wear Hats
You wanna trade caps?

Inexperienced beat reporters from the Canada Press who were assigned to learn more about the U.S. Carbon Emission "Cap and Trade" law, had been authoring a series of feature stories about how the laws wouldn't work, if the bulk of Canadian residents didn't routinely wear hats.

Building on the premise that Cap and Trade was a literal definition and required a hat wearer to trade with another hat wearer upon request, Toronto Standard Newspaper reporters, Tony Pensell and Mark Inkless had published a series of articles focused on their interpretation of the complex lax. "We gave up trying to understand how the specifics of the proposed US law worked, in fact, for a country that is supposed to speak English, there isn't a lot of it used in the proposal", says Inkless.

Taking the highest level concepts from the complex U.S. language, Inkless and Pensell described it in terms they thought most Canadians would understand, but as U.S. politicians and most of the American citizenry can't understand it either, Cap & Trade might as well be about trading hats.

"You would likely see more hats during a harsh Winter in Manitoba or Calgary, even Toronto, but some people like their hats and aren't likely to give them up", says Pensell. "Even if the Americans can figure out the language, it won't likely work here". Pensell was seen wearing a vintage Toronto Maple Leafs ball cap and was asked if he would ever trade. "Over my dead body", he replied. "GO LEAFS".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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