Written by Guy Bellefonte
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Monday, 27 June 2011

image for Storage wars star bids on locker with homeless man
Can we get $5, let me hear $10...

You never know what you'll find in an abandoned storage locker. But this?

On Tuesday morning the winning bidder walked away with a few old CDs, a hot plate, and former mortgage broker, Skip Kendall.

Kendall, had been living out of Storage Unit 12B for the past four months. Two months ago, with his unemployment funds exhausted, Kendall found himself unable to keep up with the steep rental fee of $95 per month. In the self-storage world, this means your shit is about to be sold at auction.

When storage renters stop making payments, the owner of the self-storage facility holds an auction to the public. The bidders get two minutes to view the contents from a distance of 5 feet, then the door is shut and the action happens. YEP! The bidding is usually dictated by the contents that are visible or sometimes a "feel" from the bidder.

The victor scored this once in a lifetime storage locker for a modest $350.

According to the contract, everything in that locker was legally property of the winner, Jared Reeves. Reeves said he was surprised at the discovery and he's hoping to turn his find into some profits.

"I'm in to having dudes nail my wife, so as long as Skip is cool with it, he would screw my wife on camera while I watch," said Reeves. "I then post them to a fetish website which pays me a nice residual income from advertising.

"This is my best win yet," shouted Reeves as he held up Kendall's hand.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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