Written by Asheville Jack
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Friday, 17 June 2011

image for New USDA Food Guide Condemning America's Cannibals to Slow Starvation
President Bush shown here enjoying a piece of Bar-B-Q'ed Timothy

Washington - Cannibals testifying before Congress today criticized the Obama Administrations recent change from the decade old food pyramid to the new MyPyramid.

With much fanfare, the USDA recently retired the old Food Guide Pyramid and replaced it with MyPyramid, a new symbol and "interactive food guidance system." The new symbol is basically the old Pyramid turned on its side.

One of the main tenets of the new USDA food guide is the sharply reduced amount of meat meant to be consumed along with a larger amount of vegetables.

But now American cannibals have started to complain about the new MyPyramid scheme, some going so far as to appear before the House Subcommittee on Livestock, Dairy, Poultry, Marketing and Agricultural Security to protest.

Terry Hattchet, chairman of the Northeast chapter of American Cannibals Association, told the Subcommittee that the new system threatened to end their way of life. The new system, he said, might mean less obese citizens and thus less food for America's cannibals, who he reminded the Congressman present, are voters and tax paying citizens.

Members of the Subcommittee reassured Mr. Hattchet and his attorneys, saying that since most members of Congress were also cannibals that they would see to it that the "thoughtless and contemptible" MyPyramid food recommendations rammed down the nations cannibals throat by the Obama administration during a recent weekend recess would be reversed, come hell or high water.

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