BROOKLYN - Congressman Anthony "Peckerwood" Weiner says that he is fed up with hearing everyone go on and on about Weinergate, the Tweeter Tickler, www.woody, and The Weiner Wee Wee.
He admits that what he did was wrong, but he adds that he did not do nothing that millions and even billions and trillions of men his age have not done before.
He told Granola Dallydoo of The D.C. Dispatch Diplomat that he has learned his lesson and that he promises to never ever again Tweet or take photos of his pecker.
Weiner said that the only difference between what he did and other schmoes is that he is famous, good looking, sexy-as-hell, and well-endowed in the lap lizard department.
The Congressman pointed out that just since the story came out he has had over 700 marriage proposals from places such as Alaska, Egypt, North Korea, Uruguay, and 27 from San Francisco (with 14 of those coming from females).
He noted that he took the time to answer each one by letting them know that as of today, he is still very much married to his wife of less than one year, the charmingly nice and amazingly understanding Huma "Hubba Hubba" Abedin.
The Congressman also wants it known that the reason that he came out and admitted to having had half a dozen inappropriate relationships with other females was not to throw up a smokescreen over his unfortunate Weinergate saga but it was only meant to show that he is after all only human like Bill "The Cigar Man" Clinton, John "The Kid Ain't Mine" Edwards, Arnold "But I'm Neutered" Schwarzenegger, and Tiger "Dick With Feet" Woods.
Congressman Weiner was asked who he would like to see play him on the big screen. He thought for a moment and then he replied that it would have to be none other than the world's number one porn star, Ron "Mr. 9.75" Jeremy.
In a related story. The Whoop De Doo Adult Toy Mail Order Company of Chicago reports that their latest blow up doll, the anatomically correct Anthony Weiner Inflatable Doll has thus far only managed to sell three units. One was purchased by Elton John and two were purchased by Congressman Barney Frank.