Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 23 May 2011

image for Donald Trump Names Country Music Artist John Rich The Winner of 2011's Celebrity Apprentice!
A photo of Donald Trump's personal hair stylist the transgendered Delilah Fizz.

MANHATTAN - Donald Trump originally had planned to use part of the Celebrity Apprentice finale show to announce his candidacy for the 2012 Republican presidential campaign.

But since he scooped himself he was, as they say in nearby Brooklyn, sh*t outta luck.

The Trumpster admitted to Ashburn Wasabi of The Right Coast Illustrated Revue that for the first time in his business career he had messed up and messed up royally.

Donald told Wasabi that by doing that it meant that he was now going to have to end up talking to Celebrity Apprentice losers Gary Busey, Meat Loaf, NeNe Leakes, and Star Jones a little bit more than he had wanted to.

He confided to Wasabi that in all of the years of doing Celebrity Apprentice that he has never known anyone like Gary Busey.

El Donaldo said that first of all Busey looks like he combs his hair with firecrackers.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Now if that ain't a case of the friggin pot calling the effen kettle black.]

Trump then went on to say that he is going to have his private investigator check into Busey's DNA because he truly feels that he could just possibly be related to Sarah "The Geography Guru" Palin.

America's top businessman added that poor Gary's keyboard is missing some of the letters. He smiled and said that his Crayola box is also about four or five crayons shy of a complete set.

Trump then turned his attention to Meat Loaf whom he said has shed more tears in one day than Brett Favre shed in the last five football seasons.

He said that he had to tell Meat to stop with the incessant crying because he was getting teardrop stains on his expensive, imported Italian board room meeting table.

Wasabi asked Trump why he decided to pick John Rich as the winner over Marlee Matlin. Donald took a sip of his Shirley Temple and said that there were actually three good reasons.

He told him that there was no way that he was going to reveal two of them because they were very, very personal and may even border on extreme favoritism.

But he did say that the third reason why he picked John Rich over Marlee Matlin was because before the show in his Trump Tower office bathroom he had flipped a coin and said, heads John wins and tails Marlee wins.

USA DAYBREAK is reporting that Marlee Matlin has contacted her attorney and he is looking into the legality of the coin flip as being the determining factor in deciding who the Celebrity Apprentice winner was.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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