- eorge W Bush, American president and leader of the free world, today expressed great disappointment at the fact that next week he is going to be visiting Australia, and not Austria as he had initially thought. Speaking to White House aides Mr Bush said "So what you're saying is that we aren't going skiing in Austria? So where is that we are going then? Australia?" Mr Bush paused for a few moments why he tried to recollect where he had heard that name before.
"Oh yes...Australia.... I remember them. That's the funny looking little bald guy with the fuzzy eyebrows isn't it?" Upon recognition that this was correct Mr Bush asked "Can anybody show me where that damn country is on this here atlas?" Once he had found Australia on the map he then asked "So..... would their skiing season still be open then?"
After discovering that skiing was not a particularly popular pastime in Oz the president then turned his attention to more serious matters. "So do you know if these guys are harbouring any links with Al Qaeda? Yes I know they may be one of our closest allies but you can never be too sure. I tell ya, I see one guy with a funny lookin beard and I'll be sending the boys in quicker than you can say unnecessary slaughter...."
Despite reassurances from staff that Australia are a loyal ally, and not a member of the "Axis of Evil" that he so memorably named Mr Bush was still not convinced. "Look, if I think everything is not as it seems I'll get the troops in, as a precautionary measure more than anything. That is because we, as Americans, have the responsibility to protect the free world. And sometimes that means innocent men, women and children may have to die for their own freedom. That is a sacrifice I am willing to make".
As an afterthought, Bush asked if anyone knew offhand if Australia had any large oil reserves, just for curiosity's sake.