Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: Newt Gingrich

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Newt Gingrich, potential GOP candidate for president, issued a statement this morning prior to his formal announcement later this week. Pundits are saying it is an effort to minimize his history of marital infidelities and other transgressions that would harm him in the GOP primaries.

Gingrich read his statement: "My dear friends and fellow Americans, let me say this to you, it is better to sin and repent than having to repent never sinning! God has given us free will and those of us privileged to serve our fellow man have been given special latitude to go about our work because we love our fellow man and our country so very much. It is called the three "R's": Recant, repent, and repeat. It is part of our faith, those of us who are special in the eyes of God. In baseball parlance it is called Tinker to Evers to Chance."

Gingrich paused and gave one of his famous Faustian grins. He continued, "or, as it could be construed, a chance to tinker once again!"

Gingrich continued: "But know this my dear friends, I will serve you until it hurts, and hurts some more. I am human and to err is human, to her is divine. I place myself before you humble and contrite, ready to do your work and God's will."

Gingrich smiled benignly, lowered his head, made the sign of the cross, picked up is papers and left the podium. An open mike picked up the candidate softly humming to himself: "Once, twice, three times a lady."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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