Written by David Gleeson
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Topics: Tom Delay

Saturday, 22 October 2005

image for Harris County Photographer Sets Sights on the Big Time
A spruced up Tom Delay, R-Tx

Sandra Bright, the official photographer of the Harris County Sheriff's Office, has been inundated with job offers for weddings and bar mitzvahs just days after taking Republican representative Tom Delay's booking photograph on Friday.

Delay has been charged with conspiracy and money laundering, and was recently forced to abadon his House leadership post in embarrassment, but his booking photograph is widely regarded by professionals as one of the finest examples of portrait photography taken in the last 50 years. It has made an instant celebrity of Ms. Bright.

"I guess people figure if I can make this slimeball look that good, I must have a gift," said a humble Ms. Bright early today. "And looking back at the picture, I must say I think they may be right."

Even though the charges against him could land him in jail for the rest of his life, Ms. Bright was able to convince Delay to stand tall and proud for the booking, apparently convincing him at the last minute to brush his hair, shave, and put on a suit.

"You should have seen him when he came in here," she said. "He made Nick Nolte look like Ralph Lauren. The guy, I swear, hadn't taken a bath in three weeks. He reeked of alcohol and kept mumbling something about how hot Brooke Shields looked in Pretty Baby."

After cleaning him up and brushing on a little make-up, Ms. Bright straightened his tie and took the photograph that will likely set her up for the rest of her life. Did she get it right the first time?

"Heavens, no," she blushed, "I think that was about the tenth or eleventh take. He was so stiff and dour, and he kept falling over sideways. I finally had to prop him up with a file cabinet which, thankfully, you can't see in the photo. I got lucky with the smile, too. I had to loosen him up a biit with a joke."

Asked what the joke was, she demurred. "Let's just say it involved Hillary Clinton and Satan. That cracked him right up."

Ms. Bright also declined to say how many job offers she had received, although it has clearly been substantial. She was asked if she would say on as the official photographer of the Sheriff's office.

"At $8.50 an hour? You've got to be kidding," she said. "I can make twenty times that now."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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