Written by Honey West
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Saturday, 7 May 2011

image for First Gay Horse  To Run In Kentucky Derby Pulls Out
Closeted Gay Horses Aren't Talking

Bluegrass, Kentucky - Uncle Mo, the first openly gay horse to ever run in the Kentucky Derby, has been scratched due to illness and will not be running on Derby Day.

Uncle Mo's owners and jockey expressed sadness and dismay that Mo, a pack favorite, had to pull out prematurely.

"We're disappointed, but Mo's health comes first."

The news rippled through the stables, deeply affecting several closeted gay horses who had befriended Uncle Mo in the past few months. Mucho Macho Man, Pants On Fire, Twice The Appeal, Stay Thirsty, Midnight Interlude and Comma To The Top were all seen crying copious horse tears in the paddock.

Rumors swirled that Uncle Mo and Mucho Macho Man had a wild night just before the race, thus causing Mo's exhausted state this morning.

The owner of Mucho Macho Man denies this, saying that he and Mo were "just good friends" and there was no "horsing around whatsoever" last night. All horses were specifically told to get a good night's sleep, no heavy drinking, and especially no homosexual relations.

The owner of Pants On Fire says he doesn't believe it.

"All the gay horses loved to party, and Mucho Macho Man was one of the wildest. Pants On Fire knows the truth about this, but he can't speak out, his mom, Blissful Ignorance, doesn't know his status as of yet."

Whatever the real story may be, we wish Uncle Mo all the best in his recovery.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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