Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 28 April 2011

image for A GOP Political Straw Poll Shows Huckabee Leading Followed by Pawlenty, Gingrich, Romney, and Dopey
The original Last Straw Political Straw Poll results where first compiled on a yellow legal pad.

CHICAGO - Most political straw polls tend to be regional in scope, but there is one straw poll that actually covers all of the states in the nation including, Alaska, Arizona, and Wisconsin.

The oldest and most prestigious of these polls known as The Last Straw Political Straw Poll has just released its latest GOP findings. And as of April 28, 2011, the individual receiving the most straw votes is Mike Huckabee of Arkansas.

Huckabee has become extremely popular lately due to the fact that he has said that if he is elected president he will never, ever have any of our American troops sent foot on any foreign soil.

He grinned and added, "And that includes Alaska."

Right behind Huckleberry, as GOP talk show host Bill O'Reilly calls him, is Minnesota's Tim Pawlenty.

Pawlenty is very popular in his home state because last winter he proposed that every elderly resident of Minnesota over the age of 90, be provided, free of charge, with hand mittens, wool caps, heavy-duty coats, snow shovels, snow sleds, and snow skis.

In third place is Newt Gingrich of Pennsylvania, who really has not said much other than to say that if he is elected he will see to it that all of the gays and/or lesbians are rounded up and moved to a centralized state.

When asked by The West Coast Flaming Gazette what that state might be he responded by saying that he has narrowed it down to three states, California, Arizona, Alaska, and Maine.

When told that was four states Gingrich said that he was not going to argue about it and that he knows he had said three.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I received video from six different sources and Gingrich did in fact say three states and he even said it a total of seven times.]

Mitt Romney, who is the former governor of Massachusetts, has said that if elected one of his top priorities will be to change the name of the NFLs New England Patriots back to its original name The Boston Patriots.

Romney said that he has received dozens of text messages, emails, and phone calls from irate Boston residents saying that they do not appreciate the fact that the original name got lost and replaced with a regional name.

The ex-governor says that the Patriot fans have a point and he noted that the Green Bay Packer fans would scream bloody murder if all of a sudden their team was renamed the Cheese State Packers.

And trailing in The Last Straw Political Straw Poll is the geographically-challenged 'helicopter huntress' who many Americans including lots and lots of Republicans are now referring to as Sarah "Dopey" Palin.

Palin recently remarked to a reporter for GOPicky Magazine that she does not understand why everyone puts so much friggin emphasis on geography.

She added that so what if she thinks that Haiti is an island in the South Pacific, does that really mean that she is not qualified to lead the greatest country in the world and bomb the hell out of places like Iraq, Iran, and Iowa.

She caught herself, said "My bad," and added that she heard that Abraham Lincoln had no idea where Beverly Hills, Malibu Beach, or Cabo San Lucas were and he still to this day is considered to be one the greatest Confederate Generals of the Civilized War.

She then acknowledged that no one criticized President Davy "Coonskin Cap" Crockett of Tennessee for turning left and ending up at the Alamo instead of turning right and going up to Mount Rushmore.

A spokesperson for The Last Straw Political Straw Poll when asked why Donald Trump was not included in the poll responded by saying that they only deal in people who are running for legitimate reasons and not just running to bolster the sagging ratings of their Reality TV Show.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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