Washington, D.C. - As the economic crisis deepens, gas prices skyrocket and housing values continue to crash, many Americans have learned that it's not fancy amusements like going to the movies or an exciting trip to Walmart that matter. They've discovered the joys of a slower .a much, much slower pace of life.
It's a pace that fits well with being completely broke and can be nicely accomplished anywhere, with absolutely zero money.
Such fun adventures as staring off into space for long periods of time, watching small blades of grass grow, capturing bits of dust, counting the hairs on their arms, and other incredibly simple pleasures are taking over the lives of many Americans.
Mrs. Joanne Bardon, of Austin, Texas says, "I had no idea it would be so pleasant, so entertaining, to watch ants walk to and fro in my back yard. I also enjoy counting the cracks in my walls. I used to think I had to do really huge things like going out to dinner to enjoy life but now that my job has been outsourced to China, I've realized that watching ants walk around can be just as satisfying. It's certainly free, and that's what counts."
Joanne's son, Jimmy Bob, age 10, sat quietly in a corner, playing with his toes. "He had to sell off his video games to help his dad and me pay the mortgage this month, so now he only has his toes. But toes are free, they're right there, attached to your body. Nothing to buy! Awesome concept!"
While many Americans have successfully made the switch to this "back to basics" way of life, others are irate and want life to return to normal. Joanne's neighbor, Frankie Gomez from Tijuana, Mexico said, "Man, I'm so frickin sick of jobs going overseas. I'm a proud illegal alien and Mexican. This is not the American way of life that I signed up for!"