Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 25 April 2011

image for Teenager Arrested For Deviant Behaviour For Not Using Facebook
Every teenager should be required by law to use one!

David Brady of Durango, Colorado has been arrested by local authorities for deviant behaviour. The sixteen year old high school student is being held in county jail pending psychiatric evaluation and could be sentenced to time in a state mental hospital.

The young man in question is being held due to his strange behaviour. Over the past year, it was noticed by his teachers, classmates, neighbors, and pastor that he "just isn't normal and does some weird stuff" (according to former girlfriend, Sarah Coulter).

The weird stuff in question? David has a cell phone, but uses it only as a cell phone. He does not text, play games, use it as a minitaure computer, use it as a walkman, or have any apps on it, or use twitter or send or read tweets. He claims that "it's a phone and that's what I use it for."

Mr. Brady has also been noted for not being signed up of Facebook or MySpace. He does not use any social networks and does not have his own website or blog. When asked about this, he said that "I use my computer for homework, and sometimes play a little bit of solitaire or minesweeper."

His mother was also distressed over the situation and revealed that her son "actually keeps his room clean and his pants pulled up. No one ever gets to see that he is always wearing clean underwear and it's those ones that Michael Jordan advertises. It really bugs me that he also has never asked us to buy him a car and still rides his bike to school. He even turns in his homework and we never get calls from his teachers that he skips class or disrupts anything. Frankly, I'm worried because this isn't normal."

Authorities in Colorado believe that this type of deviant behaviour is causing David to be "a menace to society" and a "threat to the normative actions, attitude, and mental health of his classmates, family, and neighbors." Experts from The University of Colorado are being called in to assist with the evaluation, but preliminary findings are not good. One medical expert, on conditions of anonymity, said that "we've never seen anyone this bad. In the old days, a patient like this would get something like electroshock therapy or a frontal lobotomy."

Since David will be 18 before the next presidential election, if he did have a frontal lobotomy, he could vote for Obama's reelection!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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