CAPITOL HILL-The War on Terror, natural disasters and governmental budget mismanagement have forced Congress to look beyond the usual sources for funding to keep America afloat. Working with scientists, engineers and meteorologists from coast to coast and around the world, you'll need a few moments in the shade to recover from the shock of this one: Daylight Savings Time will soon be known as the SUN TAX.
We should have seen it coming. Having successfully hornswoggled the citizens of our country into believing it would be advantageous to extend the hours of Daylight Savings Time to benefit America's agricultural industry, legislators figured, what the hell, go for broke. And that's just what we'll be when the new Sun Tax takes effect when we spring forward' in 2006.
Details remain sketchy at present, with House and Senate Finance and Budget Committees hard at work hammering out the extent to which they'll prevail upon our wallets. Furthermore, there is quite a bit of disagreement on how the solar dollars' will be spent. Some lawmakers (about three, actually) want to use the new revenue stream to finance alternative fuel initiatives to counter the unbearably high gasoline prices brought about by tightfisted oil ministers and the ruthlessness of Katrina and Rita. Others call for the sunny money' to cover shortfalls in education and health care. But the majority just wants to hear the sound of the pay for day' jingling in their pockets. And if rumors about how much they'll be shining us on are true, it's safe to say, "That ain't hay!"
In the final analysis, the actual formula on which the amount of Sun Tax will be levied will be further exacerbated by a secret government operation SpoofNews has discovered. Working with the same scientists, engineers and meteorologists, environmentalists have joined the hush-hush investigation into feasible methods of slowing the Earth's rotation to allow for longer days, hence, more revenue for Congress to play with. Needless to say, lawmakers are burning the midnight oil to ensure that by day's end they'll wind up with more of your disposable income than YOU do!
And if history serves as an indicator of how long they'll milk the American public simply because they can with the new Sun Tax, it's all but guaranteed that there'll be no Sunset Clause' written into the final version of the law. Gives a whole new meaning to saving for a rainy day.'