Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 31 March 2011

image for The Airline Industry Has Decided To Raise Air Fares In Order To Buy A Better Grade Of Airplane Jet Fuel
All jet planes flying in the United States will soon be using a better grade of fuel. (Photo courtesy of John Madden).

CHICAGO - Speaking before an assembled group of news media the director of The United States National Passenger Aviation Alliance Sherman S. Turnbuckle, has stated that his agency has decided to raise ticket prices by 21 percent.

Mr. Turnbuckle pointed out that the nations airlines have been using the same type of lower grade of jet fuel for the past three years and it is time to upgrade it.

He stressed that it is not about having to replace the airplane fuel tanks every three months, or about having to replace the fuel filters every 40,000 miles.

But he instead made it very clear that it is all about letting the flying public Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public know that the jet fuel in the fuel tanks of the plane that they are flying in at speeds of up to 600 miles per hour and at altitudes of 40,000 feet is the best that (their) money can buy.

And let's face it, when one sits down and puts the pencil and paper to it what are a few extra bucks compared to wondering and worrying if the lower grade jet fuel is possibly defective so to speak.

USA DAYBREAK interviewed 1,000 people at The Beer Suds International Airport in Milwaukee and 999 agreed that the 21 percent ticket fare increase to purchase a better grade of jet fuel was absolutely fine with them.

The one person who said that he did not like the ticket price increase was identified as Benedict Wilbur Tiggleloopster, 71, of nearby Wauwatosa.

Milwaukee airport authorities quickly pointed out that Mr. Tiggleloopster is afflicted with what his doctor has diagnosed as "Anti-Everythingitis."

Old Benedict Wilbur reportedly hates every kind of flavor of ice cream, puppies, dimes, flowers, pizza, sports, kittens, Dancing With The Stars, deodorant, his mother, The Weather Channel, his father, the tooth fairy, his brothers, the Easter bunny, his sisters, apple pie, and drinking water.

In other news. Bristol Palin who is now a resident of Maricopa, Arizona confided to USA DAYBREAK that she does not really like to have her mother visit her because for some reason since all of the "Crosshairs" controversy occurred, she (Sarah) has taken to snoring four times louder than she even did before.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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