Written by Gail Farrelly
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Saturday, 26 March 2011

image for Mom Sues Preschool for Hindering Kid's Ivy League Chances; Others Follow Suit
Shouldn't they be reading textbooks?

That's suit as in lawsuit. And attorneys couldn't be happier.

When a NY mom determined that her daughter's preschool was not providing the proper foundation for an Ivy League education, she decided to sue the preschool. The floodgates opened. But it's not only parents who are suing.

A twenty-something man, out of college for five years and still unemployed, says it's not his fault, pointing the finger of blame at his preschool. He commented, "They had me wrapped up in the puppets of Jim Henson. I should have been delving into Einstein and the theory of relativity."

A 55-year-old woman, arrested for tax evasion, claims her trouble began in preschool, where she learned "zippo about taxes." She whines that she was taught "lots of cute little songs about numbers, but that was about it."

A 40-year-old doctor, in trouble for removing a left instead of a right kidney, traces the mistake back to preschool, where he was never able to master the difference between left and right. "Did they take the time to help me out or hold me back for another year? No way! They just promoted me right into kindergarten. It's an outrage, and now they're gonna have to pay."

One delighted attorney reported: "Desperate for business, we used to chase ambulances. Not any more, especially with fuel costs rising." With a big smile, he added, "The preschool lawsuit market is where it's at. It's different from Vegas, you see. What happens in preschool does NOT stay in preschool."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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