Philadelphia, PA - The nations dumbest city has started evacuating all of its citizens because of the tsunami in Japan. Although the tsunami is long gone, and the Pacific Ocean is more than 2500 miles away, the mayor thought it was a good idea.

"We want to make sure you is safe, from 'Sue Nammi'. She's a killer." said Mayor Michael Nutter. "I was watching the news on TV, and someone said something about her, so, I don't know." said the nut.

Mayor Nutter ordered the entire population to leave the city immediately. Twenty people died from heart attacks in the confusion.

"It's getting worser and worser. We've already lost some of our citizens to Sue Nammi. I guess she comes from Japan, that's why she has a weird name, I guess." said the clueless Mayor Nutter.

The mayor planned to let everyone return today, until he heard about the newest problems with the 'Fuck-you-shima' reactor.

"I just heard about this electrical stuff melting in Japan, so I've ordered everyone to stay away from electric stuff, you know, because its reacting with stuff. And now there's this guy called Ray DiAtion. I guess he's Italian--maybe even in the Mafia--so I just want all Philadelphians to be safe, and stay away. The end..." said the stupid mayor.