Written by Arthur Ginn
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Topics: Army, Military

Wednesday, 14 September 2005

Tired of criticism from war protestor/d-list celebutante Cindy Sheehan for not joining the military, the Bush twins, Jenna and Barbara, have decided to "enlist" in the Salvation Army.

"It was any easy decision." said Jenna, who the blond of the two, I guess. "My father doesn't send children to war. We have a volunteer military. Imagine going over to Iraq and not getting paid a cent. That's true patriotism."

The two "registered" at the National Captial Salvation Army in Washington DC. President Bush beamed at a recent press conference where he was being blamed for Hurricane Katrina, the rising poverty rate, the Cubs missing the playoffs, global warming, steriods in baseball,football and the Olympics plus the epidemic of gout. "On this day, my little girls have become women. Earlier in my life, I tried to join the Salvation Guard but was sad to discover that it didn't exist."

Arvin Edwards, spokesperson for the National Captial store, spoke about the twins. "I thought it was a publicity stunt to bring more attention to our cause. Yes we call ourselves a corp but not in a military sense. We help wayward and lost souls like drug addicted men, unwed pregnant women and people who vote Democrat."

Barbara Bush, the sultry brooding almost Goth-like dark haired Bush twin, demanded that her "basic training" be no more or less demanding then that of men. "If Demi Moore can become a marine, then I can do this." When she was told that actress Demi Moore starred in a movie about becoming a marine she responded, "Wow. They made a movie about her life?"

Jenna mentioned she would like to be stationed on frontlines of The War on Terror. "Somewhere in Canada or Seattle would be nice. But I've heard good things about Amsterdam too." she said looking around the Salvation Thrift Store. "Where are the tanks and stuff at?"

Sadly, Mr. Edwards didn't have the heart to tell the young women that the Salvation Army is not part of the military. "Their hearts are in the right place. Makes me sad that they are so out of it. But they are rich and cute so they'll be alright. Look at Jessica Simpson."

Yes. Look at Bush twins but don't listen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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