Written by wadenelson
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Sunday, 4 September 2005

Jefferson Parish -- Alligators assisting in the clean-up of Hurricane Katrina victims have reportedly demanded 50,000 gallons of Tabasco sauce from the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). According to the Central Reptile Organizing Comittee (CROC) "It's not that 'narlens residents aren't plump, and juicy. After a few days in the water they tend to get a little "ripe" and tabasco helps us get them down. The gasoline and sewer in the floodwaters aren't helping the taste any, either."

"New Orleans is about dining -- French Cuisine, Cajun, Creole. Alligators have a "bad rap" for a willingness to eat anything, and we're here today to dispell that myth, said CROC spokesperson Rep Tyler. Given a choice of "floaters," a croc will always choose someone healthy over an alcoholic, crack addict, or other contaminated victims.

Until CROCs arrived, victims of hurricane Katrina have simply been left floating, some tied to stop signs or light poles. According to their attorney, crime scene, and natural disaster clean-up is something most people probably don't want to know the details of. Let's just keep it that way.

Negotiations between CROC and FEMA reportedly weren't going well, with Zatarains seafood seasoning company demanding "their share" of the firey concoction "concession." McIlhenny's has nothing on us, said Zatarain's co-owner Don Prudhomme. "We don't want to see no big alligator tears about our getting a fair share of the deal. We've been flavoring seafood for over 109 years and can't nobody say our products aren't sublime.

FEMA officials, while acknowledging that there is no morgue big enough for all of the victims, refused to comment on negotiations with CROC, or even admit whether such negotiations were taking place, said FEMA chief Charles Brown. "All I can say is that we are focusing on the living at this point. That's Rescue. When Recovery operations begin, then we'll discuss it. All I can say is that in the meantime, unpaid volunteers doing their civic duty, even if they're a bit snappy about it, are greatly appreciated.

Alligators and crocodiles from Florida, trained during and after Hurricane Andrew, have reportedly begun arrriving inland waterways to assist in the dining, err, cleanup efforts. While there is no shortage of "floaters," to go around, the usual power struggles between local authorities and federal 'gators ensued, including arguements over choice "surf and turf" assignments.

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