Written by Ted Haxton Jr.
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Topics: Security, Hearing

Wednesday, 31 August 2005

image for Bush Demands Terrorist Suspects Eric Cane and Trina Be Apprehended Immediately
Terror Suspects Eric Cane & Trina Cause Extensive Damage Along Gulf Coast

After hearing of all the damage caused by Eric Cane and Trina, two presumably diabolical terrorist suspects who have caused extensive damage all along the Gulf Coast, President Bush called on the CIA, the FBI, and the Home Land Security Departments to "find these two terrorists before they destroy the entire South."

Bush held a news conference at his Crawford, Texas ranch and guaranteed that the two terrorists, Eric Cane and Trina, would be apprehended immediately, locked up in GITMO, and "trow away the keys!"

Bush added, "See, I warned y'all that these terrorists were goin ta attack and now they done gone ahead and done it! Do y'all think it's a coincidence that they hit our oil derricks and production facilities? It's gotta be Muslim terrorists!"

Bush continued in a highly agitated voice, "And looka t'all t'other damage they caused! The TV folks I seen warned of Eric Cane and Trina's Outer Bands causing more damage to outlying areas. These bands of thugs have gotta be stopped. The Big Easy flooded, Alabamy flooded, Mississippi flooded . . . homes ruint, office windas blown out, dykes destroyed . . . why, the pitchers I seen on TV were arrfull! They musta snuck in a bunch of explosives right under our noses to ta do this kinda destruction. I'm not goin ta stand fer it! Y'all see what happens when these war protestors git tagether. Our'n enemies take advantage when we show that kinda weakness!"

In the middle of his press conference, an aid walked over to President Bush and whispered in his ear. "It wasn't "Eric Cane and Trina, Mr. President, it was Hurricane Katrina that did the damage along the Gulf Coast. You remember, Mr. President, we talked about the hurricanes last year when they hit your brother's place in Florida. We had to send out FEMA to help bail him out of trouble, don't you remember?" President Bush looked at the aid with a puzzled look on his face, turned and sheepishly apologized to the gathered news media, and called off the news conference.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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