Written by Aubergine Underwood
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Friday, 4 February 2011

image for Minnesota Woman Tries to Mail Puppy to Georgia
Don't Box Me In

Just when you think the human race can't get any more stupid and you can't bear to read one more account of animal cruelty, a story like this emerges.

A 39-year old resident of Minneapolis, Stacey Braindead, placed a puppy inside a box and took it to the Post Office with the intention of mailing it as a birthday gift to a family member in Atlanta.

Telling postal workers not to be concerned if they heard odd noises coming from the tightly sealed box as a toy robot was inside, Ms. Braindead paid $22 to have it airmailed to Atlanta.

Fortunately, when the box moved and fell off the counter, postal workers became suspicious and opened the box to discover a 4-month old poodle-schnauzer mix puppy named Guess.

Without adequate air, food, or water and enduring 40 below temperatures in the cargo hold of a plane, Guess would certainly have been dead-on-arrival at his destination. Some birthday present.

Guess was taken to a local animal shelter.

Incredibly, Stacey Braindead returned to the Post Office and demanded a refund of her $22 fee. "This is just so typical of the Postal Service -- you mail something and it never gets there."

It has been widely suggested that Ms. Braindead be placed in a sealed pine box and shipped to Atlanta to see how she likes it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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