Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: Death, Birds

Friday, 28 January 2011

After weeks of investigating the sudden death of thousands of blackbirds that had fallen from the sky after the New Year in the state of Louisiana, it was discovered that the cause of their death was due to a mad pieman who lived in the area.

The mad pieman, Jerry PieCrust, was arrested in his pie shop in the New Orleans French Quarter.

The pie shop contained hundreds of blackbird filled pies that he was selling for a sixpence and a pocket full of rye. He told customers that each pie contained 4 and 20 blackbirds. He, also, claimed that when cut open, the blackbirds would start singing.

The sixpence is not US currency but was used in England until 1971 when it was discontinued. Needless to say, Jerry PieCrust did not sell any of his pies.

Jerry first became a suspect in the case when he was pulled over by the New Orleans police for driving a pickup truck with blackbird feathers blowing out the back of it. It is illegal to drive a pickup truck with blackbird feathers blowing out the back of it in New Orleans. The penalty can be stiff, with convicted offenders receiving a maximum penalty of 30 days in a chicken coop with Roseanne Barr. She sings the national anthem.

Jerry PieCrust had no idea that such a law existed. From police interviews with PieCrust, it was quite apparent that he had no idea that a lot of laws existed.

For instance, he was selling pies that he claimed had 4 and 20 blackbirds, but upon opening them, were found to contain much less. The birds, also, did not sing. This caused him to receive a citation for false advertising.

Upon further investigation of his shop, police found that he was selling feather filled pillows that were hidden in a secret room in the back of his shop. Jerry only had a license to sell pies, not feather pillows. For this, he was given another citation.

It appears that Jerry has a lot of explaining to do to a judge.

While Jerry did not give any reason for his actions, his wife did mention that he had a great fear of having his nose pecked off by a blackbird.

When asked why it took so long to solve something so obvious, a police spokesman answered: "People drive around with blackbird feathers blowing out of their pickup trucks all the time here. That is why we have a law against it".

Jerry has been ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation by the court.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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