President Barrack Obama announced at a press conference today that the US would scrap all plans to complete a border fence to keep out Mexican drug runners and citizens from Mexico and other Central American countries from entering the US illegally. Obama cited the discovery of a Mexican catapult that was used to project drugs into the US from across the border in Mexico.
"Man this is a really scary discovery", said a rattled Barrack Obama who was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office dressed in a pair of heart covered pajamas and wearing fuzzy pink bunny slippers. "I've heard that these catapulty things were used to knock down rock castle walls in the past. I can just imagine what it would do to something that is made of welded steel".
"We are trying to figure out just exactly how many of these things Mexico has but we haven't come up with anything when we look it up on Google".
"Yahoo didn't give us anything either".
"We have given out emergency defense contracts to Haliburton to see if they can duplicate the catapulty thing but so far they haven't been able to do anything, because all their engineers have left and gone back to China. Haliburton is currently petitioning the US government for a waiver so they can hire illegal aliens from Mexico to be their engineers. If anyone knows something about those catapulty things, it would be someone from Mexico".
It is rumored that Mexico got the plans for the catapult from a Wikileaks cable from the country of Kazakhstan. Unfortunately, the US has not been able to access Wikileaks due to the fact that it has been censored in the US and the people who censored it have returned to China.
Obama cited concerns about other military devices Mexico may now posses such as battering rams, which can be used to smash into the wall's gates, and scaling ladders, which can be used to get over the fence by illegal aliens and drug dealers.
"If they have a bunch of those scaling ladders we can be in real trouble because the only way you can stop anyone from coming over them is to pour boiling oil on them", whined an exasperated Obama. "Have you seen the price of a barrel of oil nowadays?"
"If we do manage to build a catapulty thing, we are going to do a number on Mexico. We are going to throw all of our lawyers over to their side of the fence".
In the meantime, the US border patrol will employ the proven military tactic of "running away" in order to confuse the Mexicans until someone can come up with a better idea.