Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 22 January 2011

image for The FBI Busts 127 Mafioso's Including Vinny The Pepperoni, Mickey The Mozzarella, "Lasagna" Luigi, and Vic Vermicelli
A gun belonging to Fabrosini Family hitman Mickey The Mozzarella. (Photo courtesy of Salvatore Goombalini).

BROOKLYN - In what is being hailed as one of the biggest FBI Mafia busts in recent memory a total of 127 Mafia bosses, underbosses, hitmen, extortionists, and racketeers were rounded up and arrested.

The Mafioso's were all members associated with three of the biggest crime family's on the East Coast, the Fabrosini Family, the Monterubbiano Family, and the Pianissimo Family.

An FBI undercover informant who demanded anonymity stated that the sting operation had been in the planning stages for nine years. He stated that the FBI did not want to rush things and they wanted to make sure that all of their decoy ducks were in a row before they acted.

FBI Agent Proxmire Sunkengarden pointed out that he was personally responsible for fingering 83 of the 127 mobsters including Mickey The Mozzarella, noted hitman for the Fabrosini Family, Willie "Wine Sauce Breath" Scarpatini a cement salesman from Hackensack, New Jersey, and "Lasagna" Luigi, no know last name, who owns three vineyards in Syracuse, New York.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I would like to offer my sincerest apologies to Agent Proxmire Sunkengarden for accidentally revealing his name. I thought that I had deleted the name when I received the draft from Abel but apparently I didn't. My bad. I do hope that my slight oversight does not cause any undue problems for Proxy Sunkengarden.]

Sunkengarden who resides at 9899 Ponce De Leon Street in Paramus, New Jersey also helped to put away Vic Vermicelli and his cousin Pasquale "The Wiener" Tatalingchetti who once dated Frank Sinatra's daughter Nancy when she was in the fifth grade.

Nancy Sinatra was contacted by Tittle Tattle Tonight and asked if she remembered Pasquale and she replied, "Pasquale 'The Wiener?' Why hell yes who could ever forget the Guido with the nine inch Stromboli"

In other news. Oprah Winfrey wants to dispel the rumor that she lent the "First Mama" Michelle Obama $700,000. She did admit that she did give the two "First Kiddoes" Sasha and Malia $350,000 each as a Christmas present.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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