Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Fire, cereal

Friday, 26 August 2005

image for Wheaties taps Mother Sheehan for this month's Cover

General Mills, under fire for reportedly allowing preschoolers to design the cover of their new Wheaties box is reportedly recalling 800,000 boxes of cereal from grocery shelves world-wide. David Salazar, General Mill's marketing director said,

"We thought it would be fun to give a group of preschoolers a russet potato, some multicolored balls of yarn, a bag of marbles and ask them to create THEIR vision of Wheaties Champion, Cindy Sheehan. They did."

Unfortunately Camp Casey's Imperial Senate voted unanimously to "sue the pants" off General Mills if they did not immediately recall the outrageously hilarious cereal boxes that mocked their leader.

Billy Rogers, age 12, one of the Omaha preschoolers who helped design the controversial Wheaties cover said,

"I was in charge of yarn. See that blue part of Mother Sheehan's hair? I did that. I was in charge of marbles too but teacher made me give them to Judy after I tried to give Mother Sheehan 3 eyes."

David Crosby, today's guest 1960's protest singer told reporters,

"Sure I like their cereal. It really does make me feel like a champion after I eat it. Along with a couple of qualudes but General Mills went too far making Mother Sheehan look like .. look like .."

"Mother Sheehan?" one reported jested. The reporter was immediately arrested by Camp Casey Imperial guards and held without bail at the Camp Casey jail tent. Sources say that Reverend Jessie Jackson is currently en route to Crawford to seek the reporter's release. Or more air time, whichever comes first.

Preschooler Billy Roger, member of the original Wheaties cover design team says that he's sad that their creation is being pulled from the shelves. In a recent interview he said,

"That Judy. It's HER fault. She's the one that didn't put in enough marbles".

President Bush, aides say, almost choked on his Egg McMuffin when he reached over to pour himself a bowl of Wheaties and saw the cover. One unnamed Secret Service agent told reporters,

"We can't risk the president's life. We can't allow Mr Bush to see that cover again. For some reason after he saw it the first time he couldn't stop laughing until we had to break down and show him his latest approval ratings".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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