Millions More Dead Birds Discovered in U.S.

Urging calm, Kathleen Sebelius, the Secretary of U.S Department of Health and Human Services, has issued a statement giving specific instructions to anyone who has seen dead birds around their home or business, especially if the birds were found in their refrigerator or freezer.

The discovery of yet another round of dead birds follows recent reports of dead birds falling from the sky in Arkansas, Louisiana and as far away as New Zealand and Spain.

The statement reads as follows:

Calmly place thawed dead bird in shallow baking pan.

Add salt and pepper to taste.

Cook in 325 degree F. oven for 3 hours until done.

Remove from oven and consume.

Ed. Note: Dead birds make yummy sammiches!