Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: Terrorism, cookies

Saturday, 8 January 2011

A seven year old Dallas, Texas Brownie was arrested and charged with committing an act of terrorism after detonating a bomb that was given to her by the FBI at a cookie sale. The detonation destroyed hundreds of boxes of cookies as well as computers and X-Boxes.

It, also, killed 22 people and injured 38.

"Man, it was a nightmare, just complete chaos", said FBI agent Knucklehead. There were cookies strewn all over the place. Benches were smashed up and X-Boxes and computers were in pieces. We had to rush in fast after the explosion to clean up all the cookies and save as many of them as we could so the cookie sale could go on. We definitely wanted to make sure that all the good cookies are picked up before we let any of the paramedics in to treat any of the victims. We didn't want any of them to step on any of the good cookie boxes. There is nothing worse than buying a box of broken cookies".

"Man, why did she have to destroy all those butter cookies?"

When asked how many people were killed and wounded, Knucklehead told us: "Twenty two were killed by the blast and 38 were injured, but the important thing is that we managed to save a good portion of the cookies".

The Brownie, Sarah Johnson, had been under FBI terrorist surveillance ever since posting a message on an X-Box message board that she "was really, really mad at her mom for not letting her watch Sponge Bob Square Pants and just felt that it was really unfair that she could not do anything about it".

"Boy, our agents picked that posting up in a heartbeat. Man if that is not a threatening terroristy type message I don't know what is" exclaimed Knucklehead. "We had some of our female agents befriend her and let her know that 'there is something that she can do about it'. We set her up with a bomb in the basket of her bike and had her park it near the booth where her mom was and then detonate it. By her detonating it, we will be able to pile on the charges and hopefully get her the death penalty. She is definitely going to be tried as an adult. She knew exactly what she was doing".

"When asked why they gave her a live bomb and not a pseudo bomb, Knucklehead chuckled and responded: "Well, actually, she was supposed to get a pseudo bomb. She got a real bomb due to a rookie mistake. You see, we keep both live and pseudo bombs in our vans because, you just never know when you're going to need either one. We have white tags on the pseudo bombs and red tags on the live bombs. We have a saying: 'If it is white, it is alright, if it is red, then everyone is dead'. Our rookie, agent Oversight, always gets the saying messed up and gave her a live bomb. But, that is not really important. What is important, is that we got a terrorist off of the streets".

"Boy, but I do regret seeing all those cookies destroyed, though".

When FBI agent Oversight was asked about his rookie mistake which caused the destruction of so many boxes of wonderful butter cookies, he simply responded: "I graduated from Harvard Summa Cum Laude".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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