Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 4 January 2011

image for Russell Brand and Katy Perry Buy Jesse James' 3,000 Acre Texas Cattle Ranch 'The Blue Tattoo'
The weather vane located on Brand and Perry's new Texas ranch. (Photo courtesy of Manu Ginobili).

SAN ANTONIO - Newlyweds Russell Brand and Katy Perry have just purchased the 3,000 acre cattle ranch, The Blue Tattoo Ranch from Sandra Bullock's ex-husband, Jesse James.

The working cattle ranch is located 40 miles south of San Antonio and is equipped with a 4,000 square foot ranch house that has five bedrooms, five bathrooms, a game room, a romance room, and a full-sized basketball court located next to the helicopter landing pad.

The ranch is also equipped with a state-of-the-art cattle branding machine, The Vaca X-7000, which can brand up to 13 cattle per minute.

The sale purchase also includes one of the best and happiest breeding bulls in South Texas, Señor Super Balls, who at last count had fathered 2,491 calves.

The Blue Tattoo was sold for $21 million [£13.5 U.K.]. James said that he decided to sell the ranch since his West Coast Choppers business had some heavy losses last year, which he attributed to his divorce from Sandra "The Kissing Bandit" Bullock.

The cattle ranch had previously been owned by San Antonio Spurs guard Manu "Mr. Three-Pointer" Ginobili, who had purchased it so his family would have a place to stay when they visited from Argentina.

Ginobili purchased the ranch from country music legend George Strait who has had over 50 number one songs including "Amarillo By Morning," "Abilene By Night," "Corpus Christi By The Bay," and "Tucson Bye Bye."

Strait sold the ranch in 2009 in order to purchase Texas Governor Rick Perry's 18,000 acre The Rocking Yippee Ki Yay Ranch located 13 blocks outside of Austin.

Russell and Katy said that they wanted to buy the ranch in order to have a place to get away from the entertainment media, the paparazzi, and the news hounds.

Brand was asked if he planned on changing the name of the ranch. He looked at Katy, grinned, and replied that his gorgeous new wife wanted to name the ranch after one of her big hits.

Russell stated that plans are already in the works to take down The Blue Tattoo Ranch sign at the ranch's entrance and replace it with its new name, The I Kissed A Girl (And I liked It) Ranch.

In other news. Reports are still somewhat sketchy but Arizona authorities are reporting that Cloris Leachman, has been detained at the United States-Mexico border in Nogales, Arizona with 703 counterfeit Viagra pills hidden in her giganties (panties).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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