Written by Morse
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Monday, 27 December 2010

image for Rhode Island Regional Airport Forced to Close After 'Patches' Kennedy Goes on Binge & Drinks all Deicer!
Sign at Airport Lounge That Caused Withdrawal Symptoms for Kennedy Leading to Deicer Binge!

As if 18 " of snow wasn't enough to cause holiday havoc on the road in the northeast after a record snowfall over Christmas, the Rhode Island airport was forced to close even though plows had kept the runways clear after all the deicer went missing!

Airport security conducting an exhaustive search found lame duck Congressman "Patches' Kennedy, son of Ted 'Gin Gimlet" Kennedy, passed out in a broom closet with 3 cases of the 150 proof deicer scattered around his disheveled body, along with 4 stewardesses who appeared to be slightly "inebriated" according to the officer who made the discovery.

While Representative Kennedy was unconscious and unable to respond to questions, his aide, Sean O'Malloy, used to speaking for Patches after his frequent 'Happy Hours Events', said that Kennedy was on his way to Palm Beach for New Years at the Kennedy Compound, and had become 'distracted' when the airport lounge had been closed during the storm.

Long time observers of the Kennedy Clan's behaviour, have long known they all had a nose for the spirits, and it only took Patches about 5 minutes to sniff out the deicer in the locked storage cabinet in the airport manager's office.

The airport, which houses a handful of crop dusters, Massachusetts John Kerry's $30M Gulf Stream Jet where he stores it to avoid the excise tax from his home state, and a fleet of Kennedy Family helicopters and private jets, has long been known as "the little tipsy airport with a Kennedy Problem!" and listed as next to Alaska, the most dangerous airport in the world to fly out of due to continued, and frequent "pilot error."

O'Malloy said he expects his boss to be 'well enough' by next Friday to continue his trip to Palm Beach, where he is expected to host the annual "drink till you stink' party at the
former home of Bernie Madoff hosted by Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner who bought the home out of foreclosure after Madoff was sent off to prison over some 'accounting problems."

Caroline Kennedy is said to be relieved after hearing about the incident. "Thank God he didn't try to fly in that condition," she said, " he gets a little out of control when he forgets to add the Cranberry Juice to his' Cape Codder' Cocktails!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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