Written by K.C. Bell
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Friday, 3 December 2010

image for Republican House Ask Pelosi To Be Majority Leader

Before daylight, a small group from the Republican House caucus gingerly approached the doorstep of present Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi as she reached for the morning paper. They inquired whether she would consider becoming their elected majority leader.

The group explained that their guy, Senator Boehner, was out of touch with everything from the pronunciation of his name to his florescent road-sign orange shade of makeup. They were also uncomfortable with his numerous crying episodes.

Pelosi switched on the flood lights, demanded to know whether the group had been drinking, suggesting they could use some black coffee and danish.

They performed a synchronized tap routine proving their sobriety, explaining that though she was a Democrat, Republicans could join Democrats and vote to keep her on as the Speaker of the House. Pelosi held the most successful record in history passing legislation and was the only member who knew how the filing system worked.

She switched off the floodlights and asked the whereabouts of Mr. Boehner.

Everyone ignores the phonetic pronunciation and uses the Swiss yodel pronunciation preferred by Mr. Boehner. According to Boehner, his pronunciation starts with a B, (okay) but the OE is exiled to Antarctica (like crazy relatives) and remains silent. The H is pronounced as an A, (in an attempt to present respectability to the 'why' of the crazy relatives exiled to Antarctica) and the final syllable NER is legitimate and pronounced, allowing the name to sound like Bayner though spelled Boehner and should phonetically be pronounced Boner.

Boehner/Bayner/Boner was presently sitting under a sunlamp, greased up, counting the hairs on his chest, naming each one, getting as far as Edward, searching for Frederick, nearing another crying episode, a handy box of Kleenex nearby.

He was too much of a crier, and the group feared he might have an episode during a State of the Union speech, tears streaking down his face, landing at the back of President Obama's neck, making the Secret Service drag him out, causing more embarrassment than, "You lie," Joe Wilson.

It was a thumbs up, high five, hand shake moment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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