Written by rfreed
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 30 November 2010

image for Congress Goes Bankrupt, Asks For Bailout
No wonder they never get anything done! Look how many there are!

The 111th Congress of what is supposedly the richest and most powerful country in the world, the United States of America, has declared bankruptcy. Following years of self inflicted, major party apartheid, selling out to corporate and higher class interests and general diddle-daddling about issues that should have been taken care of decades ago, the Federal body known as Congress has run through its allotted funding and declared Chapter 7 filing.

Both sides of the political spectrum are blaming the other for the predicament. The Republicans say the Democrats have started too many asinine expensive government programs and the Dems contend that the GOP has been constipating the system of process with their constant nay-saying to the point of legal rigor mortis.

With the recent election returning the majority power to the Republican party, Congress is virtually in a total lame duck gridlock. There is little that will be done in the next couple years to meet and overcome important issues facing the nation. But the constant legal indigestion has finally caught up with the over two hundred year old organization that supposedly represents the American people at their highest level. The funding for Congress has run out and its debtors have begun calling. The heating was turned off late Tuesday night. The electricity followed on Thursday. Senators and Legislators returned Monday to a dark, cold auditorium that they had to light by candles.

For the first time since the Pearl Harbor attack the legislation showed signs of spontaneous ability. The Republicans immediately started a filibuster thinking since that stopped things from happening so well recently that it would work for this too. Democrats started running around like chickens with their heads cut off, finally deciding to form a committee to investigate the situation that would take a year to complete.

The direness of the situation became apparent when the bankruptcy firm arrived and started auctioning off the furniture and office ware of the building. Some senators immediately began shredding incriminating documents naming payoff locations, the hooker services of various districts they visit, files showing their connections to big business and the personal cell phone numbers of the most attractive and naive interns.

The full extent of the matter finally hit them when the remaining parts of the Federal Government froze their wages because they were not working. Suddenly the entire body began to act with the energy of Superman. Bills started to get pushed through with amazing rapidity and both sides of the aisle started working together with the verve and camaraderie of a high school football team.

Alas, too late. On Friday all Senators and Legislators were asked to have their offices cleaned out by Monday. Unfortunately the health unemployment benefits and luxurious pensions they had long ago voted for themselves were also nullified in the bankruptcy proceedings and they were out on the street.
The devastating effects of this unprecedented occurrence has hit the Washington community hard. In one day alone all the lobbyists in D.C. were made redundant. Ex-Politicos were on major street corners with signs stating "Will block legislation for money." Fully half of the prostitutes in a 50 mile circumference had to become waitresses to survive.

As a final act of saving themselves, Congress suggested receiving a bailout like the ones used to save Wall Street during the recession They were immediately attacked by an armed armada of furious taxpayers who tore them to pieces and mounted their heads on the fence points surrounding the building.


IMPORTANT NEWS UPDATE- JANUARY 10TH, 2013

The bankruptcy and death of the 111th Congress was seen at the time as the beginning of the end of the great nation of the United States of America. How could anyone then have foreseen the incredible changes for the good that actually came of it? With the dissolution of that body which is now seen as a worthless, cash sucking black hole, the entire governmental functioning of the Feds has become a model of efficiency and has brought America into a new golden age. The collapse of Congress and the domino effect it had on the hundreds of lobbyists, consulting firms, think tanks, Halliburton, and other sponges was a cathartic purge to the system and proved to be a great healing to the U.S. economy. Financial figures just in show that the entire national debt has now been paid off with the funds saved by the dissolution of Congress.

With regards to the once powerful entity, their memory is now just a set of unimportant footnotes in American history books.

No one seems to miss them.

Make rfreed's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 5?

9 15 12 14

Go to top ^