CHICAGO - Since the recent implementations of the Transportation Security Administrations 'pat down' policy Chicago's O'Hare Airport is now being referred to by travelers as O'No Airport.
A passenger identified as Tiara Sue Sinnybazoo, 28, of Lickskillet, Ohio, texted her grandmother Dillie "Pebbles" Finnloyal, 78, immediately after she was "PDed" (patted down) and told her that she has never been made to feel more ashamed of her body as she was by a TSA agent named Transella Muttonbock (badge #9909).
Tiara Sue stated that she was wearing a loose fitting Cleveland Browns sweat shirt and sweat pants and pat down security agent inspector Muttonbock told her that she was going to have to check out her loins vicinity for any unlawful or illegal gadgets.
Tiara Sue asked "Unlawful or illegal gadgets such as what do tell?"
She was told that they would be checking out her playpen region for any type of apparatus that could be considered even mildly suspicious such as a strange or odd thingamajig, whatchamacallit, doohickey, or bric-a-brac.
Sinnybazoo said that she started crying and telling the TSA pat down officer that the only thing that they were going to find in her underwear would be her velcro canyon which in simple layman's terms she said is known as the wissy pissy.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: It must be pointed out that auburn haired Tiara Sue Sinnybazoo stands 5 feet 2 inches tall and weighs 419 pounds. She filed a complaint when she overheard pat down agent Transella Muttonbock whisper to an airport custodian identified as Kanye Martell Washington that the red-headed munchkin has one hell of a case of 'jet sag' down in her Tuna Town area.]