Written by Morse
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Monday, 22 November 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan Arrest Blows Monica Lewinsky's Consultant Job on "Deep Throat" Remake!
Monica in Audition Preparing to Lip Sync in Duet with Johnny Wadd Holmes

The recent arrest of Lindsay Lohan has had far reaching effects across the economic landscape bringing even struggling hat designer Monica Lewinsky to her knees, yet again.

The 37 year old former intern and personal humidor for former President Willie Clinton's custom rolled "Habana Shorts" took another hit on her road to financial recovery when the chemically addicted Rogue Reality Wreck was sent to rehab once again after being promised the lead in the classic Porn remake of 'Deep Throat', The Linda Lovelace Story.

Despite postponing the shooting for over two years, and despite continued financial advances to the allegedly bisexual former Disney Diddler, producers were finally forced to throw in the proverbial soiled towel after even government backed AIG denied insurance on the film for the 'accident waiting to happen!"

Lewinsky, who had been hired, thanks to her strong white house connections, a lobbying group for hand rolled Havana cigars, her cult following, and the support of a psychic herbalist in the UK, was reportedly 'devastated' by the news, friends calling it " a tremendous blow!"

The chunky former intern, still proudly showing signs of rug burns from the oval office, has been surviving thanks to a modest trust fund from her well off parents, residuals from her "Monica Bobble Head Doll" venture which had been 'hot' about 10 years ago, and her fledgling hat designing career.

She received brief notoriety for designing 2 'muff like' hats for Afghan President Harmid Karzai while working as a hat check girl in one of his brother's restaurants in the Beltway and after sending him a text message on his facebook page modeling one of the hats, in the NUDE!

Monica had also wormed her way into the production of Deep Throat after a recent stint in Hollywood making the rounds with a script writer trying to sell her story which had promise, but was axed when she refused to have anyone but herself act in the staring role despite assurances she would have a cameo role as Johnny "Wadd" Homes 'warm up' trainer prior to the Presidential 'money shot.'

It was during that time that she came to the attention of the producers of the now scrapped "B" movie, and was awarded a minor consultant role and the thin promise of working as a stand in for Lohan during encounters with men in keeping with Lohan's recent life style decision to boycott anything that looked like a Penis in the future.

"If nothing else, Monica is resilient, I'll say that, " said a former high school and college chum, " she could always take a punch and just bounce right back up....no one can say she has a glass jaw!"

Reports now have Lewinsky variously applying for a job as Cristie Alley's stand in for airport pat downs, a massage therapist for uptight Senate Majority leader Harry Reid, or as Charlie Sheen's personal assistant taking Dicktation & Shorthand for script changes on 'Two and a Half Men" in Charlie's private room at the rehab center where he is battling sex addiction and chemical dependancy.

In a recent interview with "Larry King, Live" the serial Groom asked the question everyone was dying to know, " Well, Monica, where do you go from here?"

A coy Monica, pursed her glossed lips, seductively wet her finger, tentatively held it up in the air, and said looking deep into Larry's now bulging eyes, ""Well Larry, we'll just have to see which way the wind blows...won't we!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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