Written by Charpa93
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Sunday, 21 November 2010

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Neighbors have had quite enough of this PDA behavior

Rob and Shirley DeLightly are being asked to tone down their loving relationship or vacate their home by angry neighbors who claim they can't take a minute more of the sickening displays of love the couple exhibit day in and day out.

"It's not natural," claims Clarice McGillicutty, whose husband left her three months ago for his secretary. "All day long it's 'I love you' and 'I love you better' floating across the hedge. I can't even leave a window cracked because all I hear is, 'no, honey, let me do it,' and 'oh, thank you Rob, you're the perfect husband. It's enough to make me lose my frikkin' mind," said McGillicutty.

Neighbors, led by McGillicutty, have been holding silent meetings for a few weeks trying to decide how to get the DeLightlys to stop their open displays of affection. Several of the neighbors complained that because of them, their own marriages have suffered significantly.

Bob Churley, a neighbor who lives across the street from the DeLightlys claims that before they moved into the neighborhood a year ago, his wife took out the trash. Now, he claims that she demands he not only take out the trash, but he also wash the dishes, vacuum the carpet and keep the garage spotless. "And worse," he said "all of a sudden she wants to cuddle all the time. Cuddle for God's sake. Is she serious? Keeping up with the DeLightly's is ruining my life," said Churley.

Some of the guys have tried to get Rob DeLightly alone to voice their complaints, but he has turned down every single invitation to watch the game or play poker because it cuts into his time with his wife. "The man is just not human," sputtered Bill Jockey. "I mean, no baseball, no football-hell, the man doesn't even grill outdoors. He lets his wife do the barbecuing for crissakes!" "No," chimed in Churley, "they do the barbecuing together. I swear they're joined at the freakin' hip."

The neighbors can all agree on one thing, both husbands and wives have had it up to here with the DeLightly's and have decided to give them exactly two more weeks to come up with a marriage plan that fits more perfectly into how the other marriages on the block work, i.e. the woman does the cooking and cleaning and the man sits in front of the television, watches sports and occasionally asks the wife to grab him a beer.

It may be a harder sell than they thought though especially since the only television Rob DeLightly watches is the occasional Hallmark Hall of Fame movie with his wife and, he prefers a nice glass of Merlot to beer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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