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Monday, 18 July 2005

image for "Grand Theft Auto" gets a test drive from Bill Clinton
Lavender? Yes, it does smell like lavender. Sure. Hey-you wouldn't happen to have a daughter or niece around would you?

Washington. "Oh Yes! Look at that!" said ex-President Bill Clinton as he tried out the "hot coffee" mods for the controversial video game "Grand Theft Auto". "Now that's what I'm talking about!" said Clinton, as he deftly manipulated the joystick. "Woo-hooo! How'd you like a little cream with that?" Clinton ended the game shortly thereafter. "That's the most bad-ass game I've ever played. No wonder Hillary is all up-in-arms. That's the most fun I've had since…well…since a week or two at least. That game is sick! I give it my thumbs up-way up."

Mr. Clinton tried out the new video game, and the illicit download, at the behest of his wife, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.). Mrs. Clinton has been a vociferous opponent of games such as this, but has never played one herself. "Bill had some time on his hands and he's always on the computer so I asked him to find the ‘hot coffee' downloads. Now I can interview him about what really goes on in it. Obviously I can't play it myself-and I don't want anyone telling me that I don't know what I'm talking about."

Mrs. Clinton will soon introduce legislation to help keep video games such as "Grand Theft Auto" out of the hands gamers that are too young to vote. She has even asked the Federal Trade Commission to investigate the game. "They keep telling me that they'll get back to me about this," said Senator Clinton. "But they never do. They all have my office and cell numbers so I don't know what the hang-up is. They may be working on other stuff, I suppose. I think they're pretty busy." Several Washington media mavens and other politcal pundits have gone so far as to accuse Mrs. Clinton of using this highly visible issue to make political hay for her upcoming senatorial re-election campaign. "That's ridiculous," said Mrs. Clinton. "I've got far more important issues warehoused for my re-election campaign."

Mrs. Clinton is not the only Senator incensed about the game. Joseph Lieberman (D-Conn.) just last week wrote a letter to Kerry Snowball, the President of the game maker Rockstar Games Inc. "I'm incensed," said Lieberman in the letter. "I cannot find this download. Can you send me a link to it? I can't do my job without it-I have a duty to the American people you know-to protect them from the likes of you. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter."

Mr. Snowball has yet to avail himself for comments.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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