Philadelphia, PA-- Airports around the country are seeing a sharp increase in visits by old maids and spinsters. The lonely ladies are horny, and can't wait to get in line for that special touch by the TSA (Transportation Sucks Authority). Many old maids say they have had their first orgasms, while being prodded and searched.
Miss Vicky Smegma is a 59-year old virgin, and visits the Philadelphia Airport at least twice a week for kinky thrills.
"I always ask to be frisked by security. It's the only human contact I've ever experienced." said the retired English teacher. "I've had sex with my dog, of course, but nothing compares to getting felt up by a TSA employee!" she said with delight.
Miss Amy Oldfart is another retired English teacher, and sometimes joins Miss Smegma on their perverted excursions to the airport.
"I just had my first orgasm!" exclaimed the 81-year old troll. "I declined the electronic strip search, and a big, beefy TSA employee came out. He touched me in places that I never knew I had." said the dirty old lady.
Both Miss Smegma and Miss Oldfart plan to continue to pursue their cheap thrills.
"What a wonderful way to spend retirement." said the sexually satisfied Miss Oldfart. "This is much more fun then gambling or Bingo!"
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