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Wednesday, 27 October 2010

image for Billy Ray Cyrus Demands Custody of Miley, and The 4 Other Kids, Who Are Sh-t Earners By Comparison, in Divorce
ABOVE: Miley Cyrus, who wears glasses when not onstage.

Miley Cyrus' parents, Billy Ray Cyrus and Backup Singer #3, have filed for divorce, after 17 years, or "15 years after the birth of our 401K plan" according to court documents.

Her Real Name Ain't Miley...

... not that anyone in the universe cares. Miley was born Destiny Hope Cyrus on November 23, 1992*, 29 years and one day after the assassination of JFK, as if that was a coincidence.

Her parents named her Destiny Hope because they are f--king Hlllbillies, and because they believed that she would accomplish great things with her life. They gave her the nickname "Smiley", which was later shortened to "Miley", because she smiled so often as a baby.

Fun fact: Miley Cyrus will eventually die from a heart condition causing tachycardia which, though not dangerous now, is responsible for her looking like a Mongoloid. Wait, sorry: Down's Syndrome retard.

(* Destiny Hope. That is not a f--king joke. Can you imagine?)

According to some website, the couple filed for divorce in Tennessee yesterday -- where divorce can be effected by the husband yelling "Pack your sh-t, ya whore" three times in public-- citing Billy Ray's need to "start f--king Miley's hot fans of legal age." as the cause of action.

Billy and #3, who have five children: Miley, and four who are sh-t earners and therefore have not earned the privilege of being referred to by name, each released a statement:

"As you can imagine, this is a very difficult time for our family." said Mrs. Cyrus' statement. "We are trying to work through some personal matters. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers."

"I fell in love with my wife 45 pounds ago, and I will always love her," said Billy Ray. "Well, not really. Anyway... Selena Gomez turned 18 recently, and if I don't get to taste her soon, I will f--king kill myself."

According to the divorce papers, Billy Ray is asking for custody of Miley."

"I love Miley, just as much as my children who don't do sh-t to bring any money in the house. But, I am willing to be saddled with them as well, as long as I get Paycheck (Billy Ray's pet name for Miley, like Michael Jackson's son 'Blanket', or Angelina Jolie's son 'Darkie #4'.).

He's also asking the court to make "distribution of the marital estate, hereinafter referred to as 'My Sh-t, Cuz I Paid For It' ".

"Chubs can keep everything that was not paid for by Achy Breaky Heart and Hannah Montana," said Billy Ray. "Whic ain't nothing."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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