Written by Asheville Jack
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Topics: Armageddon

Sunday, 24 October 2010

image for Only Seventy-Seven Shopping Days until Armageddon -Tickets Still Available for Big Event.
Artist depiction of Angel as he appeared on Thriteenth Tee

The scene of the final battle between the forces of good and evil, prophesied to occur at the end of the world, has been tentatively scheduled to be held in the Los Angles Coliseum according to sources.

An angel from Heaven, whose identity is being withheld as he was not authorized to speak on the subject, confided the end of the world news to the Los Angles Mayor as he was teeing off with friends on the Thirteenth Hole of his country club this past Saturday.

According to one witness the angel on horseback appeared suddenly during the Mayor's backswing, startling the Mayor and causing him to shank his shot badly off to the right, costing the mayor a penalty stroke. The same witness said the angel was seen holding up a one golden iron. "We all recognized the importance of the symbol of the one iron and instantly knew he was on a mission from God, as only God can hit a one iron."

"I'm not kidding," said the Mayor on local TV, "this ain't no frigging joke - really. The battle is happening soon and I've been told to prepare the Coliseum just like we would for a football game, you know with marching bands and cheerleaders and beer sales, the whole shooting match. The angel also said he liked Willie Nelson and asked me if I thought I could get him to perform "Crazy" during the halftime show."

When informed of the upcoming end of the world President Obama in his weekend radio address said smugly, "See, I told you change was coming," and reminded the nation to vote democratic this November 4th. "If we're going to pull out of this recession then we can't give the keys back to the republicans as they're the one who drove the car into the ditch in the first place." Republicans leaders suggested that because of Obama's middle name he "probably wasn't sufficiently qualified to get into Heaven."

The stock markets worldwide reacted wildly on opening this morning. With the shocking news, gold prices hit a record high of over $1425 a Troy ounce as fidgety investors' dumped stocks en mass and bought into gold as a hedge against death. Only cable TV stocks rose on news that the showdown between good and evil would be available on pay-per-view TV for $69.95 plus tax.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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