Written by Charpa93
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Topics: Education

Friday, 22 October 2010

image for Secretary of Education Unveils New Plan to Save Billions on Education

Arne Duncan has the blessing of the National Advisory Committee on Institutional Quality and Integrity to change the way kids go to school in order to save the Public Education System from complete ruin. "We're going to cut in half the years a child has to go to school," said Duncan.

Duncan has studied each school year's general curriculums and has determined that combining two years into one may just be the way to save an incredible amount of money while still giving American children at least some type of education. He claims his plan kills two birds with one stone. "We give the kids an education and by having them only commit to 6 years of public education before graduating, we cut way down on drop out levels," he said in explaining his brilliant plan.

Statistics show that many public school enrollees drop out in about the 9th grade due to many factors, including boredom and the need to find jobs. This new plan, which has the blessing of many top non-educators, would cut way down on the years a child sits through boring classes and therefore gives them more of an incentive to stay in school and graduate. The average graduation age would become 14 instead of 17 or 18 as it stands now.

Here's how it would work. Grades would become 1/2, 3/4, 5/6, 7/8, 9/10, 11/12 and instead of having long winter and summer vacations, children would go to school 11 months per year. Take a normal school year of 9-1/2 months roughly for 12 years; that equals 114 months of education. By making children go to school only 6 years and giving only one month per year for vacation or 11 months per year of education, you would be educating children 66 months. Various lawmakers are behind Duncan 100% saying "what's a few years' education when you are talking about saving billions of dollars?"

While teachers are totally against this new plan, many lawmakers claim, "so what?" If you ran the number of children who don't show up for school because of sicknesses such as flu and mandatory home time due to head lice, you come out about even. Besides they say, "what really is the difference between 1st and 2nd grade or 11th and 12th grade? By combining the various grades into one larger class, you have the younger students learning from the older students and "Really," say the lawmakers endorsing this plan, "when it comes down to it, isn't that what happens on the street in real life anyways?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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