Written by Charpa93
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Topics: working class

Monday, 11 October 2010

image for Six-Year Old Aspires to Be County Maintenance Worker One Day
Yeah, get that backhoe back up here pronto!"

By the time they reach first grade, young boys and girls have probably been asked dozens of times the age-old question, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" The standard answers are almost always fireman, policeman, cowboy, nurse, Madonna.

But in the case of one little Indiana boy, growing up and working for the county is never far from his mind. Johnny Lumpley says he isn't really sure what county workers do all day, but he does see them going in and out of the local donut shop quite frequently, and he almost always notices one or two alongside the road taking a nap.

While Johnny's parents, Loreena and Hector Lumpley don't know quite what to make of their son's apparent mediocre aspirations, the school counselor, Mr. Timpani claims that this may actually mark Johnny as a borderline genius. Mr. Timpani claims that the fact that Johnny is able to determine at such an early age that he doesn't need to excel to succeed, as long as he lives within his means, quite literally means that he's already got the game of life figured out.

"Johnny sees his dad rarely," claims Timpani. Being the regional manager for a large auto parts conglomerate, Mr. Lumpley is on the road a lot and although the family is well-to-do, they don't really have all that quality of a life. In addition, Johnny's mom owns her own hair salon and is also too busy to give Johnny the quality nurturing he needs. So, Johnny has compensated by telling himself when he grows up, he's gonna be a regular Joe, making less but having a quality family life."

In fact, Johnny has already begun work on his first project as county maintenance man by writing a letter to the County and advising that one of their road signs erroneously depicts a dangerous curve ahead with only one "s" line when, in fact, it should be a double "ess." For his efforts, he was asked out to the county offices and given a tour of the sign-making facility.

After arriving back at school the next day, Johnny eagerly told his first-grade classmates, "come break time, I'm gonna go right out on that merry-go-round and take a nap, so nobody better bother me."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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