Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: God, Twitter

Friday, 8 October 2010

image for Following God on Twitter Replaces Going To Church For Many
ABOVE: God Hates AT&T Wireless' Coverage in the New York City Metro Area.

For Mildred Finklesplat, 92, of Keyport, NJ, getting to the 9:30AM Sunday sermon at the First Baptist Church on Main Street meant getting up at 6:00AM, just to get ready.

"I take 22 pills every morning," said Finklesplat, whose husband met his Creator in 1979. "It takes me an hour just to get my diabetes socks and Spanx on."

Nowadays, it's not an issue for the widow: She follows God on Twitter.

"He really gets across what He wants Christians to know," said Finklesplat. "And rather than just listen to a minister drone on for two hours every Sunday, and then giving him 10% of my Social Security check, I read God's Tweets all week long."

Asked what the biggest surprise was, Finklesplat said, "I can't believe how many Bible jokes He tweets."

"My favorite was this one," Finklesplat said, showing me God's elegantly laid-out Twitter background on her new retina display iPhone4:

"RT@TheRealJesusChrist How long did Cain dislike his brother? As long as he was Abel. Good one, Son."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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