Written by Harold Q. Fuey
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Thursday, 30 September 2010

image for SuBo fanatics open own store!
Tacky Crap Shack!

Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies were today celebrating the opening of their new SuBo Store. The store, called Tacky Crap Shack, has been funded by the fanatic's wealthy husbands, who don't expect to see a return on their investments, but at least it has gotten their wives out of the way while they take a 'business trip' with their secretaries.

The store, in Loonyville, USA, sells a range of over-priced tacky crap for the wealthy SuBo fanatic.

"We expect to do a roaring trade, after making it clear to our fanatics that if they don't shop here they'll be expelled from the group and have their red scarf confiscated," grinned the store manager. "We're not doing this for profit, of course!" she continued while stepping into her chauffer-driven Rolls-Royce.

"I simply must have some of this!" said a deluded old dear with an ear trumpet. "Bottles of genuine Blackburn air, only $10 a bottle! Susan may have breathed this same air!" she continued while grabbing 100 bottles from the shelf.

The store has an integral church for fanatics who must pray during their visit. "Our fanatics must pray pretty much constantly, so we had to provide a place of worship in the store. Bibles must be purchased at the door at a cost of $50. Those attempting to use their own Bibles will be damned and made to wear a purple scarf," confirmed the chief fanatic.

The store also boasts a 'Wealthy Husband Zone' where the fanatics can park their husbands while they spend their money in the store. "The WHZ is surrounded by electrified razor wire to stop them getting out. We don't want them trying to stop our loonies spending all their money now, do we?!" cackled the store's wealthy husband wrangler.

"Get me 50 bags of Susan's garden soil will you," barked another old dear to her butler. "This has come all the way from Susan's garden! A snip at just $30 a bag!" she smiled, cracking her three inch layer of rouge.

The store's star item is a life-size diamond encrusted Susan statue, a bargain at just $10million. "I want ten!" said another old dear thrusting her wealthy husband's credit card at the cashier.

Fanatics on a tight budget (yeah, right!) can choose from a whole range of generic 'I Love Susan' crap. "Yes, we have a whole range of Chinese made crap with 'Susan' printed on, including key rings, mugs, underwear, fluffy toys, T-shirts, caps, clocks, and any other crap we can dig up!" said the chief cashier, while adjusting her Rolex.

"We intend to open a store in every town in the USA within the next six months!" boasted the chief fanatic. Yes, you heard it here first, so get running now babe for the loonies are coming!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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