Written by Morse
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Topics: Cars, Farting, Beer, Detroit

Saturday, 25 September 2010

image for Beer Farts Cause Evacuation of Detroit Chrysler Plant!
Beer Farts Hovering over Detroit Chrysler Plant

There was panic in Detroit today after a 400,000 square foot Chrysler manufacturing plant, and 6 surrounding square blocks were evacuated after what turned out to be a plethora of Beer Farts caused the evacuation and mass hysteria.

The noxious fume alert was sounded approximately 10 minutes after workers had returned from their lunch hour when methane gas sensors installed in the factory sounded the alarm and sent over 2300 workers running for the parking lots and bringing the Detroit HAZMAT teams rushing to the plant.

Disaster workers were met with a blue haze of odorous gas mixed with the puzzling sweet smell of what appeared to be burning marijuana.

Further investigation conducted by a local TV station documented that workers for the past months had been spending their time near a local convenience store guzzling quart bottles of cheap beer wrapped in brown paper bags, and then further relaxing by passing around giant joints.

The buzzed workers , all of whom belong to the United Auto Workers, and who were bailed out by Obama in a $14.3B Taxpayer Give A Way scheme, then went back to the line to install brake lines , wheel nuts, and power steering units.

Just a few months ago on July 30, President Obama appeared at the factory touting his take over deal where the US Government and the Union now own two out of the three major car manufacturers in the country thanks to Taxpayers, and was quoted as saying:

"It's workers like you that built this country into the greatest economic power the world has ever known."

Reporters at the time were then turned away as the workers and Barry took a short break for lunch, allegedly had a joint, and talked about hoops.

Union officials refused to talk about the incident, but there are reports they have contacted the ACLU to contemplate a Civil Rights action against the news organization.

Attorney General Eric Holder is said to be in contact with Brussels and the Council of Ministers, and is expecting a ruling from them momentarily mandating that action be taken against the news entity for threatening 'Human Rights', not to mention Elf 'n Safety violations with the union claiming 'the line is a dangerous place to work, having a few beers relaxes the men, relieves stress, and makes their job tolerable."

Reports from the auto industry indicate since the Obama Takeover average Union Wages on the line are $73.26 per hour figuring in benefits of pensions and health care, although new hires are reportedly making less.

One worker caught toking was indignant saying, " hey man, what's the big F****g Deal....the teamsters just signed up Marijuana growers and trimmers out in California, nobody said anything about them guys sampling the product during working hours......this is going to be a big union issue in the upcoming contract negotiations....no reason why we can't drink & smoke on the job!"

Chrysler officials said they were taking steps to see the problem was contained and did not reoccur.

Said Plant Manager Sal 'Big Sally' Manicotti, "no problem....just called the union hall, they're sending over some electricians and we're gonna install some bigger fans......!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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