Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 18 September 2010

image for Police Arrest Russell Brand At LAX For Possession of Illegal Laxatives
Perky, the LAX security dog that found the illegal substance in Russell Brand's tote bag.

LOS ANGELES - British celebrity Russell Brand and his girlfriend Katy Perry were making their way through LAX Airport when Brand was stopped by airport security.

The officer, identified as Darby P. Nixhauser, III, told Brand that according to his 'sniff dog' there was some illegal substance in one of Brand tote bags.

Brand told the officer that his dog was mixed up and that maybe he needed to have his sense of smell tested because apparently the pooch's schnozzola was not working properly.

Officer Nixhauser did not appreciate Brand's arrogantly sarcastic remark and he told him to follow him to an inspection room.

Brand told the officer that he would not as he did not have time because he was already late for an appointment with his hair stylist.

The security guard pulled out a taser gun and told Mr. Brand that if he did not comply with his instructions he would be forced to tase his lovely, big-eyed girlfriend.

Russell asked him why on earth would he tase his girlfriend when she had nothing to do with anything other than the fact that she was his sensuously sexy girlfriend.

The guard then told him that if he did not follow him to the inspection room by the time that he counted to 3 he would be forced to strip search his girlfriend on the spot in front of the dozens and dozens of passengers.

Brand agreed to follow the guard. As they went into the inspection room the 'sniff dog' named Perky went crazy as he pointed to one of brand's bags.

Brand was told to open the bag. He did. And inside Perky and his handler found a sandwich bag stuffed with about 80 laxatives.

The guard told him that it was illegal to bring in laxatives from Great Britain. Brand said that he did not know and told the guard that he could simply take the damn laxatives, toss them in the trash can, and pick up the $100 bill he had dropped on the floor, take it home and give it to his wife and/or girlfriend.

The security guard was not amused. He immediately placed Brand in handcuffs and called for an LAPD squad car to take him downtown and book him for trying to smuggle in illegal laxatives, trying to bribe a law enforcement officer, insulting a security dog, and third degree arrogance.

Katy started crying and told Russell that she would wait for him at Charlie Sheen's house in Malibu Beach.

SIDENOTE: Russell Brand had the insulting a security dog charges and the third degree arrogance charges dropped. He plead guilty to the smuggling illegal laxatives charges and guilty to trying to bribe a law enforcement officer. His trial has been set for Dec. 7, 2010.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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